scene watch :: with dj p-modern


Clubbers were shocked on new-years-eve as DJs at Honkytonks last stand were booed and heckled in their final hours. “It was frankly disgusting, to think that, no matter how bad the club might have been, that it came to such an undignified end”, says one insider. Footage of the event was taken on a mobile phone and is now up on Youtube.

Tongues are wagging in club-land as rumours circulate that Summa-Daze 08 is already selling out. No, not tickets.

Some participants from the Red Bull Music Academy are still on the run in Melbourne, having jumped ship. One New Zealander rapper has applied for refugee status already, claiming “Please, I can’t listen to that fuckin’ Fat Freddy’s Drop album anymore!”

Scene Watch is fast becoming a main reference point for music journo’s, including Zebra’s Peter Chambers.


Zebra have once again BLOWN ME AWAY with their acute sense of music, progressive and otherwise. Did I mention otherwise? I should have. In the 2006 Writers Poll (27/12/06) “…the votes have been returned, the postal votes counted and the results are in…” they droned, whipping up all the excitement of getting a pass-out from the Lounge. The results are shocking, are you sitting down? You should be – on the toilet.

  • Best website – myspace. I’m serious.
  • Best gig – Kanye West at Fesival Hall. Kanye West?
  • Best Single – Beyonce…

…and, predictably, it babbles on, reading rather like a Cleo mag Hits of 2006. Though Diplo and radio show Death of a Disco Dancer do get a notable mention.

Which brings me to my turn to bore you all with my list of personal faves… just kidding. But I do have a few predictions for 2007:

  • Celebrity DJs to start adopting African orphans.
  • The return of that whole 80s rock, disco, mash up thingy – again.
  • Revolver to set up a childcare centre.
  • The Age to write an article on graffiti culture, titled “Is it Art?” interviewing community leaders and a dimwit academic from Melbourne Uni, with at least one mention of the Hilltop Hoods.
  • Progressively less people to read my column.
  • People who count J Dilla as one of their myspace friends to be rounded up by the newly elected Rudd Government and shot.
  • to be bought by Rupert Murdoch. For $128.
  • The ACCC to finally start eyeing-off the Melbourne Street Press Fraternity.

See ya.


In next months scene watch… Beauty tips… J-red: always moisturise before scratching. Plus, how to dress like your favourite DJ – at a fraction of the cost. Look like Mark James for under $20!

scene watch :: poetry corner

This month’s poetry corner is presented by Wawa, the Indonesian boy at the centre of an Australian media war last year. Featuring a Network 9 versus Channel 7 battle starring the Walkey award never-winner Naomi Robson of Today Tonight fame, it was a real embarrassment for all parties. Robson was arrested trying to save the fate of Wawa – allegedly targeted by cannibals in a remote part of Indonesia. Check the article here.

I am Wa Wa the forgotten,
If twice reported lunch
Or maybe it's at dinnertime
That I'll face the final munch
It was first on Sixty Minutes
That I made my media debut
Some expat expert had adduced
That my future lay in stew
But my rescue proved too pricey
For hard-up channel nine
Then Naomi of Today Tonight
Thought that out on me she'd dine
Tho' she was very well prepared,
In fact she looked just great
The cruel Indons barred her
And now I'm headin’ for the plate
Is there no channel in Australia
Who will give me a fair go?
I've had another offer
But it's from the breakfast show.


(This was sent in by Rick-One. He gets a prize! You could too.

scene watch :: politics corner

I have received countless letters recently from readers frustrated that Scene Watch fails to tackle the tougher issues. “I am frustrated that Scene Watch fails to tackle the tougher issues”, one letter read. Readers seem a little disillusioned with this column restricting itself to local, sometimes trivial pop culture comment. “I feel Scene Watch restricts itself to local, sometimes trivial pop culture issues” another letter said. Rather than picking on underpaid first year journalism students and their typos, many have called for a fresh new approach. “Rather than picking on first year journalism students, I’d like to see – “ (Enough! – Ed) So I’ve gathered a panel of some of Australia’s top political commentators to discuss one of the burning issues on everyone’s mind – Iraq. In this first edition of Politics Corner, I spoke to famed political journalist Tariq Ali, and DJ Grant Smilie’s dad (Grant was not available for comment).

Should the American led forces pull out? If so, what sort of exit strategy should they employ?
Tariq: Certainly they should pull out, and soon. Of course there is the threat of the country breaking up – but it is doing that already. In fact – the Americans are making it worse, they should not be occupying that country. They should be working with other Arab nations.

Many Western commentators worry that to pull out prematurely would cause chaos. Is this the case?
Grant Smilie’s dad: I wish I had bloody well pulled out prematurely.

scene watch :: quotes

After my set the only thing I could think of was “Wow that was awesome”
Melbourne DJ Veeva, Zebra 9/8/06

That night I saw the Galang video and got my mojo back and I wrote a song called Let my Hair Down, and for the beat I channelled my inner-50 cent – it was completely freestyle!
Nelly Furtado, Inpress 12/07/06

Throughout the ‘90s, Schmidt developed musical personae pseudonyms; Geez’n’Gosh for wonky click-house, The Roger Tubesound Ensemble for midi-fauxjazz, Midisport for Latin leaning clubtronic IDM and, memorably, Senor Coconut.
Peter Chambers. Inpress 12/07/06

Stephen Allkins certainly needs no introduction…
(predictably, the article goes on to introduce him)
Inpress 12/07/06

Johns DJ mantra is juxtaposition…
Beat 12/07/06
(Okay, if anyone sees any street press journalist use “juxtaposition” in an idiotic sense such as this, please send it in –, published entries will be sent a free dj p-modern mix cd!)

Imagine you’ve died (and gone to heaven obviously). What’s your dream venue and line-up for the perfect party?
Emma brown isn’t afraid to ask the hard questions of DJ Ritchie Jay. Zebra 2/07/06

Anytime you perform for a gay audience they just go off, I don’t know whether it’s drugs or just because they’re really happy all the time.
Bardot’s Tiffani Wood hits the right note. Zebra 2/07/06

What do you like most about DJing?
Breaking the boundaries and trying stuff no-one would think of.
Local DJ Bun Dmc, Beat 13/9/06

What do you like most about DJing?
The euphoric feeling of taking a crowd on a journey! Local DJ Braveheart, Beat 13/9/06 (A euphporic journey? Where do these djs get off? Memo to Braveheart: we may take your dignity, but we can’t take your bullshit.)

Princess Superstar has carved out a tidy niche… as a sort of Generation X Deborah Harry. Carlisle Rogers, Beat 13/9/06

5th Avenue brings to Melbourne a new era in events and entertainment. Created to reivent style and chic. The only club claiming to reivent style and chic. Flyer in Beat 13/9/06

All these great quotes from one shit mag! It’s easy to be published – send entries to